For 21 years as of 2014, I have suicide ideation everyday since my first of nine schizophrenia related hospitalisations: three hospitalisations during the fall of 2002. I think that my suicide ideation is triggered by my thinking of the word "schizophrenia," as in "oh god! not another day with schizophrenia" every day upon waking.
When I think of the words "schizophrenia" or "mental illness," it conjures thoughts of stigma that surround the term: stigma of which I believe am victim. I think that in general, the public is disgusted by the term "schizophrenia" and people who are diagnosed with it, which renders me with a sickly feeling of flu like symptoms due to seeming, irreconcilable differences in the community where I live.
Inter relations with people are sometimes difficult for me because I perceive people to kick me in the knee if I have a bum knee the way I perceive people to stigmatise me because of my status in the community as a consumer with a diagnosis of "schizophrenia."
So, I need a brainstorming model for thinking "outside of the box" considering a "world view" of people, places and things. I need to be able to account for the fact that life is good for me marrying last year to a long time girl friend, a warm place to sleep and two loving pets while others are in much more dire straits. I need to act without expecting.
I try "getting away" from the whole "schizophrenia" dialogue in my mind by seeking work only to have doors close and I try "embracing" schizophrenia by writing about it in blogs which I publish into books. It is like "schizophrenia gets me down and won't let me back up" with stigma that surrounds the label in media and, as a result, in communities among people who know me and don't know me.
I don't think it far fetched that when the landlord coops chickens in the back yard, kids in the neighbourhood where I live cluck like a chicken when I am around different parts of town due to famed, local journalism about me in a weekly newspaper as to founding a radio theatre group circa 2000 to 2001. Yet, when I explain my suspicion to various health professionals and others including family that I am being ostracised in the community: I am told that "it is all in your head."
I lose my "voice" to schizophrenia and have only begun to regain my "voice" as of the last two years by writing about experiences and thoughts on different subjects. I consider myself as trying to follow the "Socratic" teaching of not being offensive to people and exemplifying etiquette inter relationally, yet I lapse in composure when at odds with someone who is apparently "out there and not there to help."
So, concerning suicide ideation: I think that I have identified the cause of it by citing internal thinking triggers and triggers in my environment. Now, I need ways of coping with the "elephant in my head" (namely, the word: "schizophrenia") and move on in progressing days of my experiences and "thinking" at forty years old.
Is there or are there solutions to the mere word "schizophrenia" incurring "suicide ideation" in me and are there solutions to coping with others in a location where I haven't the best of luck with run-ins where I live between myself and others? Is there a way of keeping from being angry over memories of past, negative experiences surrounding what I think is because of "schizophrenia," which also triggers "suicide ideation" in me?
When I think of the words "schizophrenia" or "mental illness," it conjures thoughts of stigma that surround the term: stigma of which I believe am victim. I think that in general, the public is disgusted by the term "schizophrenia" and people who are diagnosed with it, which renders me with a sickly feeling of flu like symptoms due to seeming, irreconcilable differences in the community where I live.
Inter relations with people are sometimes difficult for me because I perceive people to kick me in the knee if I have a bum knee the way I perceive people to stigmatise me because of my status in the community as a consumer with a diagnosis of "schizophrenia."
So, I need a brainstorming model for thinking "outside of the box" considering a "world view" of people, places and things. I need to be able to account for the fact that life is good for me marrying last year to a long time girl friend, a warm place to sleep and two loving pets while others are in much more dire straits. I need to act without expecting.
I try "getting away" from the whole "schizophrenia" dialogue in my mind by seeking work only to have doors close and I try "embracing" schizophrenia by writing about it in blogs which I publish into books. It is like "schizophrenia gets me down and won't let me back up" with stigma that surrounds the label in media and, as a result, in communities among people who know me and don't know me.
I don't think it far fetched that when the landlord coops chickens in the back yard, kids in the neighbourhood where I live cluck like a chicken when I am around different parts of town due to famed, local journalism about me in a weekly newspaper as to founding a radio theatre group circa 2000 to 2001. Yet, when I explain my suspicion to various health professionals and others including family that I am being ostracised in the community: I am told that "it is all in your head."
I lose my "voice" to schizophrenia and have only begun to regain my "voice" as of the last two years by writing about experiences and thoughts on different subjects. I consider myself as trying to follow the "Socratic" teaching of not being offensive to people and exemplifying etiquette inter relationally, yet I lapse in composure when at odds with someone who is apparently "out there and not there to help."
So, concerning suicide ideation: I think that I have identified the cause of it by citing internal thinking triggers and triggers in my environment. Now, I need ways of coping with the "elephant in my head" (namely, the word: "schizophrenia") and move on in progressing days of my experiences and "thinking" at forty years old.
Is there or are there solutions to the mere word "schizophrenia" incurring "suicide ideation" in me and are there solutions to coping with others in a location where I haven't the best of luck with run-ins where I live between myself and others? Is there a way of keeping from being angry over memories of past, negative experiences surrounding what I think is because of "schizophrenia," which also triggers "suicide ideation" in me?
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